Self Doubt
Someone Else Wrote About What Self Doubt is: I suffer from self-doubt. I feel very unsure of myself. Many times when a challenge, obstacle or opportunity arises, instead of taking a leap, I stand there frozen on the spot.
Self-doubt blocks any of my efforts towards change. My doubts are not based on any empirical data or hard evidence, rather I’m just plain not loving myself enough to risk the new and trust that my chances of success are as good or better than anyone else’s.
True, failure is one of the possible outcomes in any endeavor; but it’s not the only outcome.
Self-doubt is lack of self-love in action, because it expects the negative outcome. It doesn’t trust in joy, possibility or a positive result for me.
And now I Write:
I am trying to figure out why I am the way I am. Why my life is where it is. And understand deeply what my beliefs and thoughts are about myself and about life and about relationship. If I can figure out what is going on here I can change all this.
I work so hard to prove myself…to show how great I am ..hah…and then sit immobilized in my office, my room, not being able to even start because of some weird fear and lack of motivation that I don’t understand.
This self-doubt I have been carrying has been the way I beat myself up and torture myself and abuse myself..it has been my judge. It has been the captain of my life. That captain is fired. So is that judge. I want to honor myself by believing in myself and believing that I can have all that I want, that I deserve it and that is all possible. That I am an amazing human being to myself in my deepest darkest secret place no matter what anybody else says or does.
What other people say is not the truth. I need to see the truth of who I am and love it and honor it in all its wholeness. I won’t appear perfect or behave perfectly or do it all by myself. I won’t show up to impress anyone else but myself and if I am just me without anything to show for, that is just fine too…I am sweet and precious just as I am…just as the incredible love I feel for baby Kai….who is just now starting his journey of who he is and as he blossoms and becomes every single day, so do i. and it is all good. No matter what I have, what I look like, what I wear, how much I make, who likes me, what I belong to, where I live, what I drive, how much money I make or what I have accomplished.
From this day forward I will become aware of how I think about myself and who I am and what I am and even about how I walk in life…and how I perform and move in this world. And from that awareness I will find honor for all that I am.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Self Pity vs. Honoring My Past
Self Pity
Jan 29, 2012 12:30 PMI have been a deep dark place. I have not told anyone. That is a part of my mask. My protection. Why? So what anyone thinks of me is good. Because I am hiding that I do not think of myself as good, as good enough.My heart says: Show up for yourself. Take care of yourself. Stop judging your self.
Self Pity: I have been looking at my life and feeling like a failure and yet I keep going, trying not to be a failure. And I hate myself and what I have let my life become. I lost myself. I lost Noqa. I lost my strength and my beauty and my love. I lost my integrity and my authenticity and my values. I lost my connection to my spirit, to Great Spirit.I lost my hope. I have not been present. I have not shown up for myself or for my life.Because I have been living in self-pity and in self-doubt.This is a way I have not been loving myself…the self-pity I have been indulging in all of my life.
Self Pity is dishonoring myself, looking down on the whole, grand, becoming-at-every-moment-more-capable-self that I am. Pitying myself is a condescending emotion. Rather than looking at the wounds and disappointments of my life as worthy of grieving over, as worthy of my own and other’s compassion, as being of value in shaping my life and my character, I wallow in a view of myself as a small, inept and pitiful human being.There has been a judge for all this time, saying what I have done and been is bad. I beat myself up, torture myself and abuse myself with these thoughts. To tell myself these things does not serve me. To take care of myself is to stop the judging and the self-pity.
I will stop taking a view of myself, and my life as a failure, and will see it as a sacred journey that is shaping my life and who I am. I will honor what my life has been, every part of it even the parts I do not understand.
Jan 29, 2012 12:30 PMI have been a deep dark place. I have not told anyone. That is a part of my mask. My protection. Why? So what anyone thinks of me is good. Because I am hiding that I do not think of myself as good, as good enough.My heart says: Show up for yourself. Take care of yourself. Stop judging your self.
Self Pity: I have been looking at my life and feeling like a failure and yet I keep going, trying not to be a failure. And I hate myself and what I have let my life become. I lost myself. I lost Noqa. I lost my strength and my beauty and my love. I lost my integrity and my authenticity and my values. I lost my connection to my spirit, to Great Spirit.I lost my hope. I have not been present. I have not shown up for myself or for my life.Because I have been living in self-pity and in self-doubt.This is a way I have not been loving myself…the self-pity I have been indulging in all of my life.
Self Pity is dishonoring myself, looking down on the whole, grand, becoming-at-every-moment-more-capable-self that I am. Pitying myself is a condescending emotion. Rather than looking at the wounds and disappointments of my life as worthy of grieving over, as worthy of my own and other’s compassion, as being of value in shaping my life and my character, I wallow in a view of myself as a small, inept and pitiful human being.There has been a judge for all this time, saying what I have done and been is bad. I beat myself up, torture myself and abuse myself with these thoughts. To tell myself these things does not serve me. To take care of myself is to stop the judging and the self-pity.
I will stop taking a view of myself, and my life as a failure, and will see it as a sacred journey that is shaping my life and who I am. I will honor what my life has been, every part of it even the parts I do not understand.
I Will....
Jan 29, 2012 01:46 PM
I WILL HONOR MYSELF, MY SACRED JOURNEY THAT IS MY LIFE FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. I WILL HONOR MY PAST AND MY PRESENT. I WILL HONOR MYSELF AND EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE BEEN AND DONE.
I WILL HONOR MYSELF, MY SACRED JOURNEY THAT IS MY LIFE FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. I WILL HONOR MY PAST AND MY PRESENT. I WILL HONOR MYSELF AND EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE BEEN AND DONE.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Sunday, May 10, 2009
HAPPY FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
here i begin my blog... Darcey is showing me how to set my home page up with my blog right there on my home page.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)